it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
