AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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