did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
