you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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