I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
