i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
