maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
