No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
