you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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