i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
