I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm both gender and math confused
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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