it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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