I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
