I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
