Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
