Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
