I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
