we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
