Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Farmville is her only friend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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