if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this beer tastes like vomit already
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
