i was rollin on her like bob the builder
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
