glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
