OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
