I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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