So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
