Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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