dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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