Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
