Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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