I wish I could punch you in the face.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
