It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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