this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
