a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
