apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
