You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
