We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
