Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
