Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
