I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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