Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
