i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
