TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
