This girl is more easily done than said...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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