i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
