You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
