We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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