normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
