i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
