I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
