You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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