You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
