Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
