normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
