also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
