He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
